10 Essential Financial Questions to Ask Your Partner
Juliette
Co-founder, Better Together5 min read
It probably comes as no surprise that money is one of the most frequent topics of dispute in couples. A 2024 study shows that more than 1 in 4 couples identify money as their greatest relationship challenge. Finance can cause a whirlwind of painful conversations, especially if unaddressed. If you're reading this, you're ready for a change, and wondering where to begin. Don't worry, we're here to help.
As the founders of the online & non-religious marriage preparation journey Better Together, we have deep dived into this topic, and prepared a list of the 10 most important financial questions to ask and discuss with your partner.
Before we start, please remember that perfection or exact alignment is neither necessary nor realistic. It is all about discussing and finding a middle ground. It is also completely fine to not have an answer for all those questions yet. In this case, we recommend taking some time to think about it and revisit the topic a few weeks later.
Let's get started!
Debt & Saving
While the level of financial transparency on spending is up to the couple and can be varied, we believe that debt and saving is one clear exception, and should always be disclosed. It is hard to build a life with a partner if the starting point is unknown.
1.Have any of us incurred debt (e.g. college loan, car loan, credit card debt, etc.)?
2.How much money do we have saved? How much of our income do each of us envision saving?
Money Mindset
These questions are a great starting point to understand each other's money mindset. Money mindset, also called money philosophy, is all the beliefs, habits and feelings that we have around money. It is usually heavily influenced by how we've been brought up. Understanding our partner's and our own money mindset can tremendously help navigate the money conversations and understand the drivers of someone, ultimately reducing miscommunication and helping manage conflicts.
3.What amount of available money does each of us need to have to feel comfortable?
4.If one of us receives an unexpected amount of money (e.g. inheritance, a bonus at work), how would it be spent?
5.How will strong disagreements about spending money be resolved?
Spending Priorities
Let's get into the nitty gritty and discuss where we spend our money. It is widely common to have different responses within a couple, and if this is causing too much trouble, one solution is the two-budget strategy: a common one for the important joint expenses (rent, groceries, etc.) and a separate one for the personal expenses with a no-question-asked policy.
6.What are our top 3 spending priorities?
- Home & living
- Travel & experiences
- Savings & investments
- Entertainment
- Education
- Health & wellness
- Family support
- Charity & giving
- Other
7.Do we have any agreement to take care financially of other people, e.g. parents?
Joint Finances
Merging your life with someone usually means merging your money, too. There's no single right way to handle shared finances, but every successful approach starts with thoughtful communication.
8.What level of financial transparency do we expect from each other?
9.What's the next big purchase we would like to make? (e.g. home, car, wedding, travel, etc.)
10.If we haven't done it yet, are there any moments of our life that we would want to join our finances?
Bonus question: in the event of children, and one of us pausing their career to dedicate their time to child care, how will money be redistributed to ensure stability and fairness? (e.g. retirement contributions)
If you've found this guide helpful, and would like to see more, we invite you to take part in our online & non-religious marriage preparation course Better Together. Built in an app, it is interactive and completely self-paced. For all couples, whether you intend to get married or not. Available on iOS and Android. Visit our FAQ to learn more.
